Ola! Hello there friend! It’s so hard for me to actually come up with an intro, so how about we just get on it, shall we? π
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If I would describe myself in terms of the number of friends I have (and by friends, I don’t mean facebook friends ) I guess you can say I’m friendly – yes, but not always fully trusting. It’s like I’ve unconsciously built up a wall around me after being disappointed and hurt over lost friendships, that I can no longer find the courage to trust anyone to build deeper relationships.
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Jongsky would always tell me that I should only put 101% of my faith in God and not in people because at some point people would disappoint us, the same way that we might disappoint them as well – but the Lord will never leave you nor disappoint you. (naks!)
And that is where the art of guarding your heart comes into play.
I actually didn’t really ponder much about that until one of my closest friends mentioned it as she prayed for me during one of my lowest points. And something inside me has just changed – my focus, the way I see people and the friendships I’m creating. Somehow, it made me realise that all this time I have been focusing on what I am getting when I should also care about what I’m putting out there – the type of friendship that I’m bringing.
Oh diba, thanks to google. LOL. But I feel like this quote sums it up for me.
After so many disappointments and heartbreaks – yes, losing friends break my heart, I decided to hmmm, I guess, I finally decided to guard my heart. And as I learned to guard my heart and value myself more – my time, my efforts, I was also able to realise the kind of friend I would like to be and the kind of friendships I would like to invest in.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
Being conscious of everything that I let inside my heart made me realise how to value friendships better. It helped me realise the type of friends I would rather be with no matter the time or place. Prior to this, I would always get jealous of people partying together, looking super cool in photos. But I guess, that is just not my scene. Yes, I also enjoy partying with friends, but for me quality time with friends could also be as simple as having random conversations whether that’d be over messenger chats or over a few drinks (and of course heaps of food!) laughing at the same jokes for the nth time or talking about serious things or just about anything under the sun. For me it isn’t really about being with the “cool” group doing cool things, but rather being with people who have put in effort to be with you – no matter what the scene is, the distance or the time difference. It is being with people who inspires you to be more, who believes you can be more and who encourages you to do more.
I am happy with the state of my heart right now, disappointments do come and go and I guess it would always be part of living and loving. Just the same, there are people who are always worth more than the temporary disappointments and heartaches – and no, it isn’t only found in romantic love but also in true friendships.
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My journey to finding true friendships is still long, and as we go through different seasons in life, I understand that people would come and go. But knowing what I know now, knowing how blessed I am and have been with all the friendships I’ve had, I am excited for what’s ahead. Even with the heartaches – I am excited, for through these friendships we grow, we live and we continue to learn how to love not only others – but also ourselves. β€οΈ
Thanks for the good article, I hope you continue to work as well.